painfully casual

I was walking to a class earlier with a friend, and somewhere along our conversation, we got to the topic of romantic relationships, and people in or out of these kinds of relationships. This called for some sort of introspection on my part, and it hit me then and there– I was and am so painfully casual.

I believe I am a romantic in some deep corner of my soul (I cry every time I watch The Notebook, for Pete’s sake), but so far all of my past ~experiences~ have been nothing else but nice and casual. I can hear my non-existent blog stalkers/readers judging me because of this: I know “nice and casual” is something that most people yearn for in their own relationships, and while I do agree that these types of relationships aren’t bad or even close to disastrous, “nice and casual” aren’t exactly the most passionate adjectives you can use to describe a romance.
There’s nothing wrong with a casual relationship– it’s certainly very natural and easy, almost like a exclusive friendship laced with attraction and mutual feeling. But contrary to popular belief, this level of casualness is hard to achieve. It would require a very distinct form of mutual understanding and trust. The problem with casual relationships is that sometimes they end up being something that’s just there, and sometimes, people end up forgetting that the reason why they came together in the first place instead of staying friends when the difference of both situations barely exist.

This is what bugs me though: I can’t wrap my head around non-casual relationships (in lack of a better term). I observe a lot of my friends in this opposite kind of relationship, and well, to put it bluntly, it just feels so clingy. Personally, I don’t think I’m a clingy person, and likewise, I generally dislike clingy people. I hate seeing couples melding into one thingymajig, like they can’t breathe without talking to each other for five minutes and eventually it ends in some petty argument about how one can text seconds too late for comfort. Suffice to say that I would detest being in a relationship if people would first know and describe me as somebody’s somebody–
for example:
*C & D talking about random person A who is in relationship with random person B
C: Do you know A? How is he/she?
D: Oh, you mean, B’s gf/bf? I heard B is blalalalala…

I didn’t understand that but lol. Catch my drift? It’s like these two people got into a mixer and basically sucked in each other to become one blob of coupleyness.

And the worst part is, when you actually like someone and they happen to like you back, suddenly all of this expectation is laid on your shoulders– now you’re expected to do all the crazy, massive romantic shit you see in cheesy 80’s movies. People wanna think that they can change their partner when they’re in a relationship, but the fact of the matter is that people won’t dramatically change even i they get into that relationship. Sacrifices and compromises must be made, of course, but that won’t change people. They might get used to it, the routine, but they probably won’t change unless you’re Beyonce or something.

I don’t know why. Maybe it’s just me– I don’t need the hassle life of a strict commitment right now. Which is probably why I can only function is something extremely casual. I hate the unnecessary drama. I hate the overdependence. I hate the concreteness and rigidity of social perceptions of proper relationships. I don’t even like labeling relationships: it is what it is– like who the fuck even understands the difference between a MU and a relationship? They all sound pretty fucking same to me. For all people care, you could be MOMOL-ing or just holding hands or even just playing Candy Crush together. Just as long as you know what the other person wants and needs.

I don’t exactly know the point of this post. Maybe I just needed to clarify something for myself.
You have made me ramble on for half an hour, dammit.


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