uhtceare

I admit that I have probably made more wrong decisions than right ones throughout my conscious life. The only truth I know is that I make mistakes, a lot of them, but until now I don’t know how to pick up from recognizing and realizing that I am completely and utterly human in more ways than I thought.

This lack for foresight and motivation is keeping me from moving. I am still grasping the concepts of self-awareness and conscious thought, and while I am trying to dig deeper for introspection’s sake, I instead find myself wallowing in my imagined self-pity and newly unearthed insecurities.

Tell me, how does one deal with the abruptness of modern life? Do I throw myself into the haze of the moment and let myself loose in the throes of casual ignorance and indifference? Or do I step back and revel at the life around me from the fringes of actual happenings? I’ve always got one foot in and the other one out– I can never manage to fully immerse myself in one reality by choice. Can one really be one’s own observer and playmaker? How should one’s environment influence a life? When do we resist; when do we allow; when do we push?

There really are too many questions. Insomnia, you win again.

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