sometimes i think – why am i less inclined to driving myself to death working vs some of my successful friends? is this my character flaw, a level of pretention or inflated sense of self, or hubris? like why cant i throw myself headlong into work if it’ll give me some semblance of successs or achievement.
i realize now that i’m proud of myself, my subconscious self. whatever you call it – hubris, or the remnants of my time in europe — i think she is protecting me. reminding me that it’s simply okay to not want to ruin yourself for something you don’t even fully want. and even if it doesn’t sound brave or life-changing to others right now, it’s my way of protecting myself, and it’s my way of discovering my boundaries.
and i’m only relatively “lazy” vs the best of the best. i think that’s awesome. i’ve always been proud of my ability to straddle worlds (in this case its between type A and B, although I know im type A).
i realize now that i’ve always had it. i also have my core values in my mind. in that sense i haven’t fully betrayed myself, not in the way that i think.
the floating world 